Labyrinth

I was rewatching this 1986 classic, and I realized that there are few things in life that make me truly happy, but David Bowie’s package is one of them. Before I go into the merits of this film I would like to encourage you just to meditate a moment on how tight David Bowie’s pants always are and why the phrase ‘mandex’ only really applies to him, particularly in this movie.

Okay. Moving on. A silly and crappily animated (muppets much?) fantasy film about teenage Jennifer Connelly wandering through a maze to rescue her baby brother from goblin David Bowie, stares moodily out a window in ridiculously tight pants that are a blessing to mankind. Or womankind. Wait, he was bi, so both. Anyway, Sarah (Connelly) wanders through the maze like an idiot and continuously messes up getting past various obstacles but eventually makes it to the palace through dumb luck and friendship with the ugly brigade of muppets. And a dog. David Bowie sings some sings, poses a lot, and Sarah gets her baby brother back in the end before going home. I don’t know about you, but I would totally have stayed and become David Bowie’s love slave queen. Just saying. Just saying…

So yes. This movie is hilariously awesome, and an epic story that everyone should see, if only for David Bowie.